she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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