I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
