He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
