I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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