I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
