please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
