I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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