i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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