she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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