She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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