Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
