that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
