Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
