i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
