He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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