I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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