Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
