Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
