my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
