I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
