so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
