I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
