well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Who died my cat blue again?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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