as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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