I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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