i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
