I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
