My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
