But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you will always have a special place in my vag
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
