Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
