Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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