We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
