my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
