Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
