This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
