Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
