He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
