I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
