I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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