your thong is hanging out like whoa
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
