Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
