New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
