i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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