Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
this just has baby written all over it
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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