My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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