dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
