Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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