mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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