my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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