Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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