I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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