awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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