Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
