he shaved USA in his pubs
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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