I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
