and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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