Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
