Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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