apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
