ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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